I listened to something the other day which said that people don't necessarily want one million dollars... they just want the FEELING they think one million dollars will bring them. They want the lifestyle they think one million dollars will bring them, They want the expensive car, the nice house, the exotic vacations, etc.
I see it all the time with so many people it seems like what they have their eyes on or their big goal in life or when they think their life will be "SET" is when they finally climb that mountain and get that ever elusive huge amount of money....whatever that is.
I use to think and be like this myself, the goal was to "get a million dollars" and then i felt my life will be a success, i will be a success and well i guess then you are officially "rich" whatever that means and can do whatever you want, i dunno?!
I don't think it is a bad thing to have financial goals whether it be 100,000 or 10,000,000 or even 50 bucks but I don't think that money should be a complete focus, I don't think that having a certain amount of money should be the determinant of whether you are Successful or not. ask yourself WHY?
ask yourself, If somebody was to give you $100,000 today what would be different? Chances are you would be the EXACT same person you are today, you would just have more money in your bank account and so you would therefore probably have the means to be able to go buy some material goods or do some things that cost more money than you had before if you wanted to.
But YOU, does having that extra money whether its 100,000 or 1,000,000 change YOU? if you could only type 30WPM is having that money going to increase your typing speed? if your social skills were subpar before will having all sorts of money increase them?
I have learned and I strongly believe that money is the by- product of chasing the things that you actually want in life. If you are doing what you like, what you love, what you are good at than money will naturally fall into your life, every amount that you possibly need. If it is the other way around it will be incredibly difficult to enjoy the "here and now" until you reach that money goal you set in your head, whatever that is.
Lots going on this week, so i'm a little late on this weeks post have some great content so here we go!:
Have you ever thought about your attitude when it comes to whether you FAIL or SUCCEED in something? what is a failure what is a success? Nobody is perfect so at one point or another you are going to make mistakes, or you are going to mess up, or whatever, does that mean you fail? Its all about how you define failure.
If you adopt the attitude of always learning – if you approach situations/life this way whatever happens you CANNOT fail, because you will ALWAYS be successful in the sense that you are learning, that you are always growing and getting better.
DECISIONS – life is really all about the DECISIONS you make, and how you approach your decisions. Ie do you study for your final exam or go out and party? Do you buy a condo in a suburb which is less expensive or one downtown?, its YOUR choice. Everybody decides what they do and therefore where their lifes go...
Sooooooooooooo. What is one of the most important elements to success?
HAVING A GOOD DECISION MAKING PROCESS. And putting yourself in a position where you can make the BEST decision at any given time.
How?
What to focus on:
NOT ideas (EMOTIONS) but FACTS (logic) and what YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER
ie. Do you focus on what somebody says and how good they makes it sound (ideas?) or the facts that is what is ACTUALLY the case, what has actually happened, Something that will really help the decision making process is taking ALL the info available+ all the things we have control over and making the BEST decision you can based on that criteria. Then having faith in YOURSELF and the decision YOU made, not necessarily somebody’s elses. Control:
A recipe for making poor decisions is putting your decisions or anything else in the hands of somebody else.
Why?
ITS NOT that they aren’t great people and they wont get things done. Sometimes you have no choice but if you break it down think of what you are doing by putting yourself in this position, You become DEPENDANT on them like a kid + has parents. And then to move forward or make a decision you REQUIRE THAT PERSON. Just like a kid asks his parents if he can have the car for the weekend before he can decide what to do with their friends, you have to ask whoever you are dependant on to see if your plans will get the green light and its okay… Basically: YOU LOSE CONTROL, you are usually no longer in a position where YOU can make the decision.
SOLUTION: Control is everything. Because whoever has control has the DECISION MAKING POWER. As we learned from above decisions are a key component to success.
Anything you do with other people should be a SUPPLEMENT with which you have NO EXPECTATIONS, because you can’t control them, so why would you expect anything?!? Minimize exposure to losing control = Have YOUR OWN plan and stick to it, let other things fall into that place not the opposite way. Ie. Don’t follow somebody elses plan and make your plan try and fit into that.
hope this make some sense, that is all for this week!
Have you ever started something and not finished it?
Have you ever turned down taking on a huge project because it seemed like "too much" or too daunting at the time?
why is that?
You've probably heard before that Rome wasn't built in a day?
What's that mean? How you can you apply this to your own life?
Think about every highly successful person you know... Does it seems like they have an amazing ability to complete multiple projects and make it seem easy?
Maybe they managed to get straight A's in school, while playing on a sports team, while still having time to hang out with friends, etc. Or maybe they are a successful business owner who has real estate investments on the side, who also volunteers in their community in addition to maintaining a family at home.
What's their secret?! How do they do accomplish all this??!! while making it seem easy!!! DIBS! This is how they do it: eat lots and lots of Dibs.
Small chuck it. Make things easy for yourself. Set yourself up for SUCCESS not failure or disappointment.
If you wanted to be a lawyer and before you went to university I told you, that in order for you to become a lawyer it was going to be crazy hard you would have to take 4 grueling years of undergrad and have a 4.0 GPA, then you had to do your LSATs and get all these reference letters from professors and other people and then get accepted into law school, then you had to do it all over again, Study hardcore for another few years, and finally get an articling position, and once you completed that and graduated with your law degree maybe you'd find a position as a lawyer....
Who is going to sign up for that? really? and even if you did after the first year if you looked at it that way you would probably just see miles and miles of work ahead, get discouraged easier and then be more likely to quit.
Break it down, whatever you want to do or be into small manageable tasks which you can achieve and then reward yourself for CONSTANTLY. Make it easy for yourself. Break things down as much as you can and and approach it that way.
What we are trying to do by small chunking is Convincing our minds that whatever task is in front of us we CAN achieve it. Once our mind believes that it will go ahead and help us out, if not and your mind interprets whatever you are doing as some insurmountable feat that's when you will get discouraged and get those feelings like you would rather quit then continue on.
here's some thoughts on the Ego,,, have a good weekend!
The human EGO (see Freud) has a huge influence on people's behavior, what does that mean? most people you will encounter go through life always trying to PROTECT, and NURISH their ego because it makes them feel OKAY and like they are important in society. Understanding this makes understanding different social dynamics much easier.
EX: Person A and Person B are friends who work together and both smoke. They have been trying to quit for a year. Person A is finally successful and quits smoking, Person A is very excited and tells Person B (who is still smoking) the great news. "wow this is amazing, i never thought I could do this, it feels amazing to finally have kicked this habit, i feel healthier, I feel alive, i have started to go to the gym, my life is great!!!! wooooooo!"
How does Person B feel?
In most circumstances, In this situation Person B will think like the following: We were equal we both had the same problem, and now my friend overcame smoking and I didn't this means they are better than me, I feel my ego getting attacked, they are stronger than me. Just imagine how person B would feel when they are at work and he has to go out for a smoke break which he always enjoyed with person A and person A isn't there anymore...
person B UNCONSCIOUSLY to protect his ego will usually deal with the above in one of two ways:
1) do whatever it takes to get on the same level as person A, meaning he will quit smoking himself, he will start going to the gym, he will do whatever.
2) (this is more common) Person B will try and get person A to come back down to person B's level so they can again be on the same level and then person B will no longer feel bad for continuing to smoke and most importantly his EGO will not be suffering. This will be attempted again mostly unconsciously, by person B saying things like, "oh come on, its just one smoke", "come on person A why dont you come out just like old times its not going to kill you"!!
fast forward a few weeks (assuming person B has not Quit smoking himself) Person A will have either 1. continued to not smoke or 2. be persuaded to come back down to the level they were originally at and likely started smoking again.
"You will learn one thing from my class, remember this only: PEOPLE LIVE IN GROUPS" -first day of class said by Dr. Michael Overington (former soiology professor at SMU)
If person A continues NOT to smoke, and Person B continues to smoke in most cases, person A will find a new social group with similar values and start spending more time with them, and person B will keep hanging out with current social group. Because both people are around others like themselves EGOS will feel okay.
This is why sometimes friends "drift" apart.... this is why some people quit smoking, or quit drinking only to start back up again, And this is why sometimes people will try and bring you down. Its human nature. don't fight it, understand it, then expect it. and then RISE above it.
How many times have you read something or listened to something and a week later totally forgot everything!?!?
why does this happen? how can you prevent it? how can you learn better? how can you retain what you have learned?
The quick answer and something to try:
By making learning an ACTIVE process, by getting INVOLVED. What that means is if you are listening to somebody speak, ask questions, take notes, if you are reading something highlight the important points, or make your own notes in the columns.
Just imagine if you didn't know how to play basketball how would you learn? What do you think would get you better results, sitting in a classroom all day reading books studying how to dribble, how to do a layup, how to pass the ball? Or getting on the court, listening to a coach and then practicing and actually DOING the drills?
Its the same with everything you want to learn, become involved.
So I encourage you if you read this blog not just to read it but to leave comments and do the same anywhere else you read something that you want to learn, It will FORCE YOU to think about what you are reading, to become active in the learning and will increase your retention.
Work hard, Play hard, Travel hard. Just back from Cuba where I did my FIRST EVER all inclusive trip.... yay!! I spent a week with my girlfriend at a 4.5 star fairy tale deluxe resort in Varadero... it was just that. we had the best time ever!
I know these trips have been around for a while now and are very popular so most of you have probably been on at least one. Aren't they awesome? you are surrounded by palm trees and miles of white sand which turns into to most beautiful blue-green ocean. The sun seems to never stop shining. There is just piles of food to choose from, whatever you want, whenever you want ham, steak, chicken, fish, you name it bbq's everyday, For dessert? its like being a kid in the candy store 5 flavors of ice cream, copious amounts of cakes and fresh fruit. You just can't go wrong! Its non stop pure paradise. That is until you step outside of this nice little bubble and OFF THE RESORT....
This is why I have not really been a huge fan of these trips. They are too perfect, they are too generic, they are not a real representation of the country you are in. They are set up to cater to those who like to and have the luxury to "vacation". Vacationing I'm sure means something different to everybody, but to me the term means to TEMPORARILY escape your day to day grind for a week or two by going to some fantasy land where there are no rules and everything is taken care of for you. So you can do as you please, That means staying up late, sleeping in, being lazy and spoiled non stop with food, drinks, and dessert. these sorts of things.
Its not for me. It doesn't give me much value or align with my goals. And that is why in the past I didn't really see a reason to spend $1500 to do an all inclusive when I could just stay at home, turn off my phone, have my bath tub running hot water the whole day while playing Caribbean music on my ipod and hang out in there for a week. In the nights I could just order take out... and if you like to drink alcohol while on vacation just take a $100 down to the liquor store and I'm sure you could buy enough beer or rum to last for a whole week. Need a tan? no problem go to your nearest tanning salon every day for a week and you'll do okay. When it is all said and done you might not have the pictures you would from an actual vacation but in terms of the personal growth you will experience it will be close enough.
My point is when I take time off I like to TRAVEL. In my opinion there is a distinct difference so don't misunderstand. Vacations are a ton of fun, we are all the same we work hard so sometimes we just need to step away for a minute and have some fun, so some people take a day off and play the arcade some people take a week off and go to Acapulco, whatever.
What I am talking about in this blog though is something different. Traveling to me is work its not a vacation. It's when you step out of your country and off the resorts leaving your comfort zone behind that you unlock a whole new world and reality. If you have done it you know what I'm taking about!
I haven't really talked much about my opinions, goals and the second to none personal growth benefits of traveling on this blog so I'm going to use this recent trip as a brief example to share and give examples of what I am talking about, so you can see some of what I got to see and hopefully look at things a little different.
I want to grow. ALWAYS. That is my number one goal. Everything on this blog is aimed at sharing ways to do this. To me there is no replacement to having the opportunity to go somewhere and see things you couldn't see back home. To travel somewhere and experience and feel new things you couldn't back home, To seeing how people in other places and countries live, their traditions, their culture. This to me is one of the best ways to expand reality and perceptions. The whole experience is even greater when you go to a second or third world country.
I only had a week to travel Cuba so I just got to scratch the surface but during that time we got to hit up 5 of the 14 provinces within the country so you'll get a pretty good representation!
The Resort Life:
You have already seen some of the pictures from above, basically Cuba is like right out of a travel brochure: the beaches, the ocean, the palm trees are actually that nice!
The food on the Resort we stayed at, like you would expect is just like back home, they had tons, You can see from this picture just an endless buffet with everything you could possibly want, steak, fish, chicken, pasta, salad, etc. Its sad that when you step off the resort all that food disappears, People don't eat like this in Cuba. Most people are limited to rice and beans. Remember it may seem like they have all this food on the resort but its not real - that is not Cuba they don't have a Sobey's or Superstore in every neighborhood. the closest thing they have is somebody on the side of the road selling fresh mangos. So if you get hungry and need some food fast forget about all your favorite fast food chains, there is no such thing as a Mr. Sub or Tim Horton's, not even close. you can't just go order food like you can back at your all inclusive. Picture that. When you see it and experience it you really stop to think about the life we have in Canada and other first world countries.
The Entertainment was really cool. Much different than we would be use to. Remember They Don't have the NHL or Headline rock concerts. They have their own form of entertainment one of the most popular is the world famous Tropicana Show. This is a show the Cubans take very seriously, you can tell as soon as you walk into the outdoor theater they have set up. All the ushers and waitresses are wearing formal wear, the tables you sit at are white table cloths, You must wear pants and nice shoes, etc. The talent was just unbelievable check out the next picture.
Take a look at what is going on here: This guy is standing on a piece of wood which below that is some kind of cylinder object and below that is a round table. Now you throw in that he is holding up a girl who is backwards on his back??..... I have absolutely no idea how this guy did this, there was no safety straps the whole act and nobody helped him, the whole audience was pretty much in awe and holding their breath. I knew there were no limits before but after seeing this there are ABSOLUTELY NO LIMITS to what can be done and achieved. NEVER say you can't so something, This was reinforced again the next day when we went to see a dolphin show Say HI to my cute new friends!, while in Cuba we saw a dolphin show. Dolphins are officially the smartest animals I have ever seen what they were trained to do on command was just unbelievable, I was thinking the whole time man, they are no smarter than me if they can learn these skills I can certainly learn anything in the world i put my mind to.
So this was all pretty cool but here is where the real fun started. When you think of Cuba what do you think of hot tropical temperatures nice beaches and world class cigars, right? Well It has all of this but there were just soooooooo many other cool and interesting things to discover.
La Habana as they call it in Cuba is the capital. We took a day to explore it and what an unbelievable city it is just FULL of history. Walking the streets you can just feel it. Cuba is actually in the process of restoring it. The above picture is of El Capitolio a colossal building which was built for the Senate and House of representatives. I knew that Havana was an impressive city but the pictures just don't do it justice. I wasn't use to walking down these streets. The downtown in any city of North America is dominated by businesses. People wearing suits walking really fast while talking on their blackberry's trying to buy some shares in the next big company on the NYSE before the final bell. There is Advertising everywhere, there are subways and busses and traffic jams, there are bright lights and expensive cars with horns honking. There was none of that in the streets of Havana. absolutely none. There is a different mentality there are different motives, It was quite refreshing actually it felt as if I was warping back in time to a land before all of those things existed. But I wasn't this is Havana this is how people there live, they don't have the things we have its not in their reality, they don't have the same opportunites. It doesn't matter if you are wearing a Gucci shirt or have a channel purse, They don't even know what those things are!?! What they do know and believe in though is Che Guevara. He had a huge influence in Cuba and obviously impacted many lives because being in Cuba you can see how dedicated and passionate they are to him. He is EVERYWHERE. on T-shirts, postcards, painted on the side of buildings, on flags, everywhere. I have never in my life seen such a universal following. Experiencing this was totally new to me. I thought back to our Canadian Leader - Stephen Harper... I'm sure people know how he is and he has some strong followers but it's on way different level. When you see and feel how strongly these people believe in Che Guevara you can get a sense as to why there are world issues everywhere why people will fight and battle over what they believe in. You can see that governments are different everywhere you go, there is no one universal way to run a country. You hit a Cow in Cuba and you are going to jail no questions asked. The things we take for granted can not be in other parts of the world.
The Countryside:
Remember Cuba has 14 provinces it's no joke. I never knew Cuba had such a vast countryside. We took a full day to travel to the province of Pinar del Rio by bus and explore the mountain ranges and rain forest like setting as well as check out the farms where they produce the tobacco for their cigars. I couldn't believe what we were ble to see and experience. This province was about a 5 hour drive from Varadero and a totally different place altogether.
Here I am in the Vinales Valley you can see it was just a pure lush green tropical like areas. I don't know if it was an actual rain forest but it sure felt like one. You can't get this back home! It is just amazing to me because growing up I never really had an appreciation for the outdoors. Fun and excitement to me was big sporting events, loud concerts, tasty food, amusement parks, drinking... Since then Iseeing new things and exploring the world have led to Massive growth and I have developed a whole new perspective and appreciation for what I like to do and what I see as exciting.
As you can see Exploring some random cave while in Pinar del Rio was also quite adventurous. It's great though one of the best charasterices I find that traveling has developed is an insatiable curiosity. This quality itself has helped me do and try things I otherwise wouldn't have done. I find the more you explore and see the more you want to keep exploring. 5 years ago I would have been terrified to go off a resort.. what if i hit a cow? ;) These days its the reason I went to Cuba so I could go off the resort and explore!
Last stop of the Day below is a trip to a a local farm in Pinar del Rio where they grow tobacco leaves. This was really cool. There is so much that goes into making cigars you and I would never know about. Here is where it all begins though! This is Benito's farm and he has just brought in his harvest which as you can see is now in the drying phase. He said the The leaves will be done drying around July and then the Government will come to his home shortly there after and take all the tobacco which they will then use produce cigars. Very interesting stuff.
As you can see there is just so much out there. Go explore it. Take chances and see the world when you can so you can better understand it.
Ironically I am back home in Halifax now and being home in Canada after the places I have been this country feels like a 5-star resort with all the amenities! We have SO much to be great full for and opportunities that most people will never get remember that if you ever feel like complaining.
what a lovely picture huh? how does it make you feel? do you like needles? I hate needles... well I use to.
I remember always going to the doctor's office and coming so close to fainting after every time I got a shot, it was ridiculous. I didn't like the look of needles, I didn't like waiting for them, I didn't like anything about the whole process.
What bothered me the most though is I would see some people go in get a shot and come out like it was no big deal. I wanted to be like that.
Recently I have had to get 3 shots (twinrex) over the past month, so I thought this is a perfect time to make a change.
I learned this much about fear: If you keep fearing something and trying to avoid it NOTHING WILL CHANGE you will just keep conditioning yourself to avoid the thing or the situation and your body will respond accordingly by sending out all sorts of nervous and anxiety like signals.
I Learned with fear that it is probably one of the biggest things that holds us back. And most of it is caused by ourselves. Its your mental approach to the situation. If you walk into the doctors office thinking or saying to yourself, I hate needles, im probably going to get really weak after getting this shot, guess what? that's what's going to happen!
soooooo. Instead of doing what I have been doing for the past 24 years of of my life I thought why not take a different approach and see what happens? I have nothing to lose?!
So this is the approach I have taken with the doctors office over the past month, and this approach can be applied to ANYTHING you fear.
I switched what I was telling myself: instead of saying, "uhhh, I hate needles, I can't wait for this to be over, why do I even need to get this.. etc."
I took the complete opposite approach and then completely exaggerated it.
"I can't wait to get to the doctors office, I love this stuff, this is going to be so much fun, this is going to protect me from a bunch of diseases and make me stronger, make my immune system better, allow me to have a safe trip south, this is unreal freaking real!"
It was quite funny actually.. I started telling myself this about an hour before I went to the doctors and then kept it up for about an hour after I got my needle. I even called a few friends during that time and told them what I was doing that morning and how excited I was to be going to the doctors office and getting a shot!!
When my time came to go into the little doctors room I didn't slow down I jumped right into it, I pulled up my shirt and was like hit me up in this arm, let's get right to it!
I did this because I didn't want there to be ANY delay... why? because I knew if I gave my mind time to think about what was going on those old feelings would probably creep back in and I would start to fear what was about to happen.
so whatever, jump right in! I got the shot and then disciplined my mind to NOT THINK ABOUT IT. I said thanks and was on my way. I kept telling myself how amazing it was, and how great I felt after the shot.
why? because If i didn't those same feelings I had before would no doubt pop back in my mind. My mind would be trying to convince me that hey james, you just got a needle you are suppose to be feeling weak right now, and get really tired, like you usually do...? I Didn't let that happen, and before I knew it I was doing something else that day and forgot all about what happened.
I practiced this two other times over the last month and now its great, It doesn't bother me at all to get needles. talk about it, see it. whatever. strangely enough, I even get a little excited :)
what is something you FEAR in your life? something that might be holding you back or preventing you from doing something you really want? we ALL have things we fear don't we? take some time and think about your approach. Is it the actual thing or situation you fear or just what you are building it up to in your own mind?
Instead of just writing out your name, stop now and make a list of alllllll the things you are. Do it now, write down everything the good and the bad:
student... professional... optimistic.. boyfriend.. brother... smoker... fast reader... bad tempered... depressed... hockey player... pretty... healthy...
I dunno, its different for everybody that's why you have to write it down! ok... are you finished? if not, go write down what you are right now. be as detailed as you can be. List ALL the things you can think of that make you who you are.
alright, cool. This is who you are! you should be really happy, these are all the characteristics that make you unique. Glorytimes.
Now of these characteristics what are some of the ones you would like to change?
Be honest with yourself... are you a smoker and would like to quit? are you fat and want to lose some weight? are you getting shitty grades and want to do better? do you have serious anger problems and want to be more chill?
I'm sure whatever it is about yourself you would like to change you have already tried in some way or another to change it in the past, right? Maybe you quit smoking for 3 weeks? Maybe you signed up at the gym for a couple months?
Whatever you did, if it's still an issue TODAY the change DIDN'T LAST. and if that's the case, we have a serious problem. who wants to make a change that doesn't last???? that's almost like a tease...
Forget about the past, these are the G L O R Y TIMES. And today we are going to look at how to shatter those old habits and make a change that is going to LAST.
heeeeer we go.
First we have to understand CONGRUENCE dictionary.com says: Agreement, harmony, conformity, or correspondence.
sounds good.
we have to understand congruence because: We will always be congruent with what we think we are.
I first learned this concept a long time ago back when I was in a really depressed point of my life.. I remember I saw a councilor and told her my story...
I feel really shitty, I'm really depressed, I don't have any energy, I don't want to do anything, I don't care about my body and treat my body like shit, I smoke a lot, I do drugs and drink. The only thing that even makes me feel good is when I listen to Counting Crows.
Now if you don't know much about the counting crows, this is all you have to know; They are one of the most depressing bands EVER. The lead singer, Adam Duritz has major issues, and so naturally that is what he sings about, all his broken relationships, how he can't sleep at night, he's stays inside all day, he's so alone, etc. Watch this video, you'll see what I'm talking about.. the dude is not very happy you can just tell by looking at him.
I couldn't understand it I was feeling so depressed at the time so what was it about this music, about the counting crows that would make me so happy? why was I so addicted to it and listen to it all the time? for a while I thought i had some sort of disorder with music it made absolutely NO SENSE to me.
My councilor explained it to me and I have never forgotten the lesson.
"She said James you listen to the Counting Crows, and you identify with their music because it is sad and depressing which is very CONGRUENT with how you are feeling in your own life. So of course you would like it... Happy upbeat music isn't sad or depressing so it would be incongruent with how you are feeling and thinking."
That stuck with me.
These days I listen to music that is happy, upbeat, positive because that's how I'm feeling in my life. I don't listen to the counting crows because they bring me down.
This shows the power of congruence, and how it affects and attracts things in our life.
alriiiiiighty then,
The second thing we have to do in order to make a lasting change is realize the difference between a Behavior Change vs. Identity Change
The difference is that a change in Behavior is short term. It isn't going to give us those LASTING CHANGES. It's kind of like a band-aid solution.
For example if you are addicted to smoking and you want to quit, you are still going to get those cravings, but to quit you just might modify your BEHAVIOR so for example you might not physically buy a pack of smokes, or go out on lunch break with all the smoking crew, or buy a patch or whatever this might last for a couple days or weeks or whatever but chances are you'll start back up again if all you change is the behavior.
Or if you want to lose weight you might go on a "diet" so that means of course behavior change so next time you are at a restaurant instead of ordering the New York Pepper Steak of desire, you'll order the elite garden salad. Again a change in behavior right?
As long as you have the discipline to maintain those behavior changes you will have some changes. That's awesome, but we want MASSIVE awesome changes of eternity. so a couple weeks or months isn't good enough.
To get these kinds of results we have to make an IDENTITY CHANGE. WTF? what is this? Forget about a band aid solution, go right to the bone baby.
An Identity change is when you change who you see yourself as, how you describe yourself, essentially this is how you change WHO YOU ARE.
What is this mean? It means if you want to quit smoking no longer see yourself as a smoker. If you want to be healthy start seeing yourself as a healthy person, if you are an impulsive person no longer see yourself as impulsive.
Because as long as you hold onto that identity of who you think you are, YOU WILL BE IT.
Do you see now how this ties in with congruence? Do you see how just changing a behavior would be like being depressed and playing some happy go lucky music... it might make you happy and get you excited while its on, but at the end of the day if that's not who you are, if that is not how you really BELIEVE you are with every fiber in your body you will go back to just being that sad, upset, helpless depressed person.
If you think and percieve yourself a certain way you will always be that way.
So the only way to really make a change, to change who you are and what you do is to go right down to you identiy and change who you are and how you think about yourself it will change everything., and best of it it will LAST.
DISCLAIMER: There are NO magic pills, making a lasting change is tough, you have to WANT to make a change and making a change requires hard work and discipline, it's not going to happen over night.
You have to start somewhere though and this article will provide you with a good foundation and the right direction:
To make this all happen you HAVE to take action.
So if you are serious about making a change in your life Start changing your Identity RIGHT NOW Go back to the list of things you wanted to change earlier and Re-Write how you see yourself how you would describe yourself what you would believe about yourself assuming you have made every change you wanted and have been living it for a year.
EX: I am a very healthy person, I work out everyday, I watch what I put in my body I'm a student I take my studies seriously, I put in the necessary time so I can get good grades
Review your list everyday, more than once if you can, Visualize it play videos in your mind of you doing these things, say it out loud,
Once you honestly BELIEVE you are that person who you WANT TO BE, it will all work out. everything will become congruent. You will become the person you want and vision.
Was back in Newfoundland this past week (the best place ever) for a couple days helping my friends recruit for their company
We were at Memorial university just tapping shoulders trying to get people interested.
I want to post some of the videos we made to show how EASY it is to get people's attention. You can literally SAY or DO anything you want.
These videos were taken in a high traffic area with just random people as they walked by our booth.
I do ridiculously stupid stuff but notice how in EACH approach the person is fully engaged in what I am saying, and so I can get my message fully across....they don't get pissed off, keep walking or violent.
There are 5 different approaches,
1. The BOX IN APPROACH This is where I literally come out of nowhere, cut the person off and face them dead on "boxing them in" so they are forced to talk to me instantly. I love this one.
2. The STAIR APPROACH This is where I am waiting half way down a flight of stairs waiting for somebody to go down... as they walk down the stairs I simultaneously walk up the stairs headed right towards them, I intercept them on the path they were taking, take them out of the stairwell completely and lead them over to our booth. The one is a beauty because I literally take somebody completely off the path they were going and bring them alllllll the way over to our booth.
3. The DROP PAPER APPROACH The goal of this approach was to drop all my papers and by doing so creating a scene and thereby getting the peoples attention
4. The POKE APPROACH This one was probably the most risky out of all of them... I had this huge tube like object and literally whacked somebody with it as they were passing by... my goal was to not have to get up from where I was sitting.... pretty funny.
5. The KARATE APPROACH For the karate approach I literally do a flying jump kick right in front of some people walking by.... They were in complete shock at the time and like WTF is going on?!?! anyway its a gem because I literally get ALL 3 of them to come over to our booth and fully engaged them in conversation.
Anyway the point of this post is that you can open a conversation with ANYTHING you want. If you want to meet somebody, a possible employee, potential girlfriend, a new friend, whatever you don't have to have this elaborate canned script.... Say or whatever you want to get their attention and then just be real.
You knew you were going to get in an accident and not have use of your legs again? you would never be able to work out the same in the gym again, you would not be able to stand front row at a concert and jump up and down, you would not be able to get up in the morning by yourself, if you spent your days in the doctors office rehabilitating or
Your best friend was getting transfered across the world and you would not see them for another 5 years? and you couldn't hang out with them anymore, you couldn't play sports together anymore, you couldn't go shopping or traveling together anymore all the things you like doing together you can't do anymore?
or You got hit in the eye and suddenly were blind? you couldn't see your lovers face ever again, your job as you know it would be totally different if you could even keep doing it, you would never see the ocean, the sun, the trees, your mom's face again you couldn't see pictures.
We live like these things will never happen.... and you don't know what it would be like until it does happens. So Stop and feel one of these scenarios right now.
Close your eyes for a minute and go outside and walk around. FEEL what it would be like to not have vision. Keep your eyes closed for 5 whole minutes. I bet you can't. ask yourself how it feels, what does it change? FEEL IT, experience it
how would you be living TODAY, what would today mean to you if you knew one of these would come true? how much more would you VALUE today, and what you can do, your friendships, your relationships, the things you do for fun?
WHAT IF you lived with this much emphasis, excitement and gratitude everyday....?
would you smile a little more? push a little harder in the gym? try a few new things you have been putting off....
So this morning I was at the airport with some buddies to catch a 7:30am flight.
We cut it really close, but we for sure had enough time to board and get on the plane...
Air Canada wouldn't let us though saying our flight was cut off and we missed it by a couple minutes or something.. they made no effort whatsoever to get us on. so naturally we were about to lose it on the effin AC representative.... but we didn't.
Since our tickets were the no changes, non refundable, non transferable type we weren't even allowed to catch the next flight.. Again we were about to lose it... but we didn't.
There was absolutely nothing we could do at this point we were livid. We had to get out of the airport before we got kicked out, we just basically forfeited a couple hundred dollars each, plus our plans where messed. fuck.
Has this ever happened to you? maybe not this event specifically but maybe you lost something like your favorite pair of jeans you got on vacation in Europe last year, or your i pod touch with all your favorite songs on it , or you broke you watch, or a friend was an hour late picking you up so you missed a concert you were supposed to go to and it was all their falut so you were just fuming .. or somebody broke into your car and stole your stereo? whatever.
All these scenarios have one thing in common, don't they? they absolutely SUCK! They make you ANGRY, they get you PISSED off for the rest of the day. They put you in a BAD mood and screw up your face because you are so pissed off, They cost you money.
STOP What if I told you something RIGHT NOW that could totally change your life and give YOU complete control over these frustrating situations?
If I told you something that would allow YOU, and make YOU completely responsible for what kind of mood you were in after something unfortunate and crappy happens?
Something almost
TOO simple and TOO succinct.
Once you truly “get” this statement you will be instantly amazed at what happens in your life, especially when faced with one of life's obstacles
This is Something so simple you probably won't even give it much thought . . . . . . . .
Life is only 10% what happens to you, the other 90% is how you react.
No soundtrack this week.... BUT Here I am rocking out at the Blue Rodeo concert on Saturday... everybody rushed the stage once the concert started so we ended up being FRONT ROW! Fun times.
on to today's post,
After reading rich dad, poor dad I have been thinking a lot about investments these days
So I ask What do you think the best investment for money is these days? Stocks... bonds.. a new computer... a car...clothes, healthy food? what? and keep in mind you don't need $100,000 to be investing! For the purposes of this post think of whatever you spend most of your money on these days as being your biggest investment.
So stop and think about this for a second...what are YOU investing your money in these days? where is your money going, what are you spending most of it on these days? write it down quickly if you can so you can actually see.
Now what about your time, which is even MORE valuable than your money... What is the best investment for Time? education... a job... sports..... going downtown...reading, hiking, going to the gym, spending time with family, learning to cook What?
Again, just stop and think where you are spending/investing most of your time these days.. Write it down so you can actually see where it is going!
What did you come up with? what are you investing in? Did you think about what might be the best investments?
What is the best investment for our Money, what will give us the biggest gains over the long term? Is it to invest 10,000 into a stock which goes up 100% so we now have $20,000? that sounds pretty legit.
What about our time? What is the best investment for our time right now? playing Nintendo wii partying it up downtown, reading books at the library? What can get us the biggest gains later on down the road ?
Hold These thoughts.
This past week I have been really excited about the Power Within Seminar featuring Anthony Robbins. I've been talking about it non stop and encouraging everybody I know to get tickets and go! It's going to be deluxe
When talking to people to see what they thought and if they are going I have seen two totally different responses:
I'm totally down, I can't wait, I'm stoked see you there!!
or
Ya, that looks cool... those tickets are expensive though, I'm not going to spend that much money.
The tickets are expensive 169+tax a pop. So it made me think for a second why somebody would want to spend that much money on a conference... What type of people are attracted to an event like this that they would spend or should i say INVEST close to $200 of their money and INVEST a FULL DAY of their TIME to hear some somebody speak?
It's because they know the the ULTIMATE INVESTMENT is in THEMSELVES. that is worth saying again. THE ULTIMATE INVESTMENT IS IN YOURSELF.
I don't say this in a selfish way, you know what I mean! Just spend some time working on yourself
Anytime you can invest your time and money to get better, to learn new skills, to increase the value of your own stock you are are making a kick ass investment.
Reading a book on a new topic to expand your knowledge... Going to the gym and getting bigger faster and stronger... Going to any type of class to learn new skills: cooking class, Real estate seminar, Tony Robbins workshop, university.
whaaaatever you are into.
All these types of investments will make you more valuable and pay dividends over your entire lifetime.
That's me eating Swordfish in Cape Breton~! Back home now after an amazing but long tour on the road with work... I'm exhausted but just had an unreal time I'm so lucky... I just love what I do :)
I always find while traveling, It doesn't matter if it is international or just within the province I come back learning so much.... I find being away forces you out of your day to day normal routine so you are always learning new things, you get the opportunity to see different ways things are done, you meet new people, you have to adapt to things you're not use to, you get to try new things... It all adds up and when you finally make your glorious return home, you can't not be changed! I always love comming home and having that feeling!
anywaaaaay, This week comes with a rad soundtrack, check it.
I Posted this Track for a line she sings in the first verse...
"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got"
Think about that for a sec, it's a very advanced idea....
It's pretty much human nature to want what you don't have right?
Maybe it's that new shirt or jeans you see at your favorite clothing store, the newest Ipod touch, a trip down south, a set of 6pack abs, a new car, a nicer leather sofa, whatever.
Have you ever noticed people always talk about the stuff they want, but don't have?
"I saw this shirt in the mall, it was pimped, I want it... " "I want to save up a bunch of money so I can buy a new sofa, a car, a big screen TV" "I want a better job so I can make more money " "I wish i had a girlfriend"
Have you ever thought like this? or said these type of statements to yourself?
Think about What this mode of thinking focuses on???? all the things YOU DESIRE, but DON'T HAVE...
Have you ever stopped to think, about what you have right now? it's hard when you are constantly spending all your time on the things you want... But In North American society, sadly that is exactly how we are programmed to think: Bigger, Better, Faster, Newer.. leading to never being happy and always wanting more.
That laptop you bought new a month ago... sucks. There is a newer faster better one out now,
that $200 pair of jeans you bought last year... they are old There are cooler, more stylish nicer ones out now.
This is the mentality in North American Society. So naturally it makes it hard sometimes to just sit back and be happy with what you do have.
Stop for a minute and think How often do you hear somebody say:
I might not be wearing Versace but I am happy to have clothes to wear everyday... You know what I don't have a 45inch plasma but I am so lucky I have a T.V that works It is such a luxury that I can take a warm shower everyday, Its amazing that I have fresh water to drink everyday, that I have access the the internet, that I have heat, and lights, etc... I might not have the nicest car, but I am so happy that I have a form of transportation.
Not often. We just expect those things.
Take a look at this pic:
If you lived here would you want that new car, that new sofa, a nice sweater from Abrocrombie and Fitch? or would you be happy just for some food and a place to sleep.?
This all hit me the other day while I was at the mall with my girfriend... there are ridiculous sales everywhere for winter clearance..so I saw this reaaaaaaaly nice sweater. It was marked down from 100+ dollars to $20. I was like 20 bucks? that's it..? man that is a no brainier, i have to get it, it's only 20$ whatever.
I was sold! and I almost bought it based on the great deal I was getting. Then I was like wait... what is going on here? who cares about the price of the sweater do I even need another sweater? I have tons of clothes at home. I have at least 3 really nice sweaters and here I am about to buy another one? what for? how many sweaters do I really need??? I thought about what was going on and basically I was just there wanting to buy something because I didn't have it. when I realized what was going on I got mad at myself... and thought Do I not appreciate my other sweaters enough to just be happy with them? they are all in great condition, fashionable, can I not just be thankful I have sweaters that i like, that are cool.
In the moment it was hard for me to understand this. To be able to sit back and say to myself, James, you have 3 money sweaters at home that you love, you can wear those sweaters till they are worn out.. instead of focusing on what you want, why don't you focus on what you already have.
It was all new to me because = I have never thought like this before, I ALWAYS subscribed to the never enough mentality, I would always focus on my wants which lead to me needing and wanting more.... this past weekend is when Irealized if I keep thinking like that I will NEVER be happy, because there is always going to be new things, better things, great sales that are going to create that "i want that" feeling inside of you...
It took me 24 years to figure out.
But surprisingly when you get to a point of wanting what you have, of actually wanting it and being thankful you have it, you will find there is so much more satisfaction than having all these wants and finally getting some of them.
We are constantly making decisions, every day, every hour almost every minute... Decisions as we know come in many different forms: some are simple and straight forward, others are more complex and take time..
What I want to focus on right now is those decisions directly involving somebody else where you have conflicting feelings, where you are ambivalent, where somebody is telling you one thing and you want to go ahead and do it but then you are having second thoughts and reservations because you get this other sense that maybe you shouldn't, and it puts you in a position where you don't know what to do??
How many times have you made a decision and then kicked yourself saying... I KNEW I shouldn't have done that, or I WISH I would have went the other way or tried this instead, or listened to myself or whatever...?? It's happened to you before, right? It happens to everybody allllllll the time!
So what's going on??? What part of yourself do you listen to? How do you make a solid decision you're happy with more frequently...?
Let's break this down...
Most of the time when you find yourself in this kind of position with conflicting feelings you have one choice which comes from what somebody is verbally telling you, what they are saying to you to try and influence and persuade you. Then on another hand you'll get this "gut feeling" which is something you don't really understand or know why you are getting it but you just know its there and its telling you to do something.
To understand where you get that "gut feeling" from you want to understand Communication has been estimated to be 7% verbal and 93% non verbal.
So when processing a decision and being logical you will usually only pay attention to the 7%, that is what the other person is saying to you, how it sounds, how it makes you feel, the possibilities, etc.
What the gut feeling does is interpret the 93% non verbal signs when communicating and form a decision from that.
So for example it will take into consideration how another person is acting, that is: their tone, how fast they are speaking, what they are doing with their hands, their eyes, etc. Our gut feelings has the amazing capacity of being able to interpret all these non verbal cues and give us a decision based on that.
So when you get this "gut feeling" realize that it is trying to tell you something, realize that it is basing a decision with 93% of the communication equation vs. just the 7% you have to base a decision on when just listening to a verbal message.
For me it all comes back to the multiple choice tests... I always remember being told to circle the answer that comes up first, and to NEVER change your answer.. Same idea with circling a decision you might have in life.. If you get that gut feeling CIRCLE IT!
Easy right, Go to school.....study reaaaaaaaaly hard so you are the best in your class.... Get A+ all the way through....get in with a good company... work your way up to a $ 100,000+ a year salary... continue at job for 10 years... get rich.
That's what I thought anyway...
Get your hands on this book... it will blast your reality.
Added feature this week, This post comes with a Soundtrack!
It took me waaaaaaay too long to figure out how to embed this video into the blog so I'm going to have keep the article short, but I had to figure it out because now i'll be able to add more videos of glory in the future... so it all works out in the end, on to today's post.
Have you ever thought in general how much time people spend listening to music these days? It seems like everywhere... While in the car driving, at the gym working out, walking to the mall, riding the bus or in the library studying...
take a minute to think about how much time you spend everyday listening to music, 30 minutes on the drive to work + an hour in the gym, maybe half an hour while you are on your computer...add it all up.... It's probably quite a bit of time..
Have you ever stopped to think about the influence of what you are listening to, and what it IS or ISN'T doing for you?
I like using extreme examples to illustrate my thoughts I find it makes things more clear,
so back to the Jr. high/High school era. The little OG I wanted to be I use to listen to a lot of rap music, I was big into the whole WESTSIIIIIIIIDE till i die thing so naturally these are the dudes I idolized... From left to right meet my hero at the time 2PAC, his side kick snoop doggy dogg, and the infamous Suge Knight, the mastermind behind Deathrow records who Pac and snoop rapped for....
I use to love these guys, anytime I turned on my discman whether I was walking home form school or waiting in line somewhere I would blast the volume and listen to 2pac Shakur dropping beats rapping about how he was fresh out of jail cause he posted bail, drinking crystal, flossin gold chains in the low low, while dropping hits in the studio, chillin with his hoochies with hundred dolla bills in expensive suites or on tha streets cuz he had to hustle to make a dolla outta 15 cents.
Now Some people are more influenced than others, but no matter who you are I believe if you listen to something enough it will usually begin having an influence on you.. maybe small, maybe big - the extent depends on who you are and how emotionally attached you are to what you are listening to.
I was pretty into the whole rap music thing for a while so I bought a few pairs of baggy jeans, cursed a lot and at one point I even considered spending $2000 on a platinum chain to represent.
anywayyyyyyy I love music and I always will.. I will never stop listening to it. but I realize how what we listen to can influence us so these days though I divide my listening time between music and educational audio programs.
For me music is enjoyment, its entertainment, its fun... its something to sing along to with friends, to relate to when I'm feeling happy or down, but other than that it really doesn't help me progress much or get better....
I see all that listening time we calculated earlier,like in the car, in the gym, on the computer as an opportunity to grow, to learn new skills to get better....
Think about how much you could learn if you spent just 3 hours a week, (that's just a car ride into work everyday) studying your chosen field through audio programs, you would be listening to fresh ideas and new thoughts. How much better you would become and how much of an edge you would have over the other people in your chosen profession....
The power of the self conscious is amazing, and well documented.
If you spend time filling your mind with educational material there is no way it's not going to have a positive effect on you and your life.
If you don't know where to start check this guy out, Tony Robbins you have probably heard of him before he is just unbelievable. You spend your time listening to him everyday and you'll become a superstar, it's that simple. He's also going to be speaking live in Halifax at the Metro Centre February 26, 2008 if you get a chance get tickets! other than that search for products relating to your profession there are tons out there!
I absolutely love penguins so I'm glad I could incorporate this picture into this weeks post!
Are you a LEADER or a FOLLOWER?
Can you remember back in elementary school playing on the playground? There was probably one kid who everybody wanted to be like, who set the fashion trends, who decided what toys were cool to play with, decided what movie to see on the weekends... everybody wanted to be like them....they were the leader. Everybody else was the follower.
Most people become a follower by default. Think about it.
Growing up you think everybody is looking at you, judging you, making fun of you. There are so many different influences to deal with, your parents telling you one thing, your friends wanting you to do something different, then you have the T.V the movies, the magazines and you want to be like them.. all this adds up to insecurities, lack of confidence and just confusion.
All you want to do is whatever it takes to be liked and just fit in. If you have to buy the new 200$ nike air shocks you'll beg your mom for them. if you need to get a Gucci purse you'll save up all your babysitting money and buy it, if shaving your head is the cool thing, sign me up. Most people would just do whatever it takes to be "cool" to be "liked" to be "accepted"
So this is how we grow up... This is how we are conditioned, if you aren't born with these natural leadership qualities and you don't know what is cool, or what is fun you will always look at the people who you think have it figured out and FOLLOW them.
I use to be the biggest follower EVER. If you knew me 5 years ago you would agree... I was small, insecure, un confident, unhealthy, whatever. I always turned to others to see what was cool. I didn't make my own decisions. I got into drinking and drugs because i thought it would make me cool. i'd do stupid stuff for attention if i thought people would like me for it... basically I had none of my own values so I just adopted other peoples. ugh.
The point is whether they admit it or not this is the reality for most people at some point in their lives... So how do most people deal with it? How did YOU deal with it? Did you hang out with a natural leader, somebody who has confidence and feed off that person's energy to boost your own state? Did you turn to drinking or drugs to gain confidence,
get a boyfriend or girlfriend to fill the void of your insecurities, or sleep around to get validation that people liked you??
It doesn't have to be that way.
I'm sure by this stage of your life you have seen enough of the world and developed a strong enough identity and had some experiences with leadership to build on. You realize that people aren't looking at you all day long like you thought they did back in Jr. High. they are too busy looking at themselves. Nobody really gives a shit what your haircut looks like or what clothes you are wearing. They are too busy worrying about themselves and their own 99million problems.
So what you can do is keep building on these experiences to strengthen your skills.
Developing leadership skills is in my opinion is one of the most important qualities to develop in life. Always being a leader will give you a greater sense of control in your life and who doesn't want control of their life?? You will no longer be Dependant on looking up to somebody else to make your decisions or follow. You are the leader. You make the decisions. You are in control. You are responsible.
I think perhaps the biggest way to make a difference in your ability to lead is just getting in the habit of always making quick CONFIDENT decisions. Do that and you will see a substantial difference. Make a decision which way to go..right or wrong and just roll with it. If somebody comes to you with a question have an answer or a plan.
Just look at any leader, they ALWAYS have to have an answer or a plan. That is why they are the leader. Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England patriots playing in the Super bowl this Sunday has exactly 40 seconds in between each play to make a decision of what play to run next. He doesn't have 5 minutes, he has 40 seconds max, the play is executed and then he must move on to the next decision. bang, bang, bang his team looks to him to make these decisions which is why he is the leader. If the quarterback, Tom Brady suddenly calls an unexpected time out and has a question of what to do Bill Belichick doesn't have time to think about it, he has to have an answer or a strategy/plan of how to deal with it RIGHT AWAY .
You can practice this in your own life to develop these traits. Next time you are in line at Subway instead of sitting there thinking about what to get for 5 minutes, pretend you are a coach just pick one and roll with it. Next time you are renting a movie at blockbuster pick one up and roll with it. If your girlfriend asks what the plan is for the weekend and you haven't really thought about it, consider it an unexpected time out and just come up with one. Right or wrong, LEAD, LEAD, LEAD by making a decision and rolling with it. simple stuff. try it.
Now when making decisions that are a little more important than what sub to eat or which movie to watch here's a secret I was taught
Have VALUES and GOALS. Values that are so strong that you will not break them or compromise them for anything. And goals that are so important to you that you will achieve them no matter what. Having these two thing in place and working together makes things very easy. Its like having your own personal compass. Its deluxe. Whenever you are faced with a decision just input it into your compass and whatever course of action will lead you towards your goals and what you value is the decision you make. Easy right? cool.
have fun!!!
MEL
ps. later this week I will be doing something I meant to do at the beginning of the month and posting my video goals for 2008 - the year of destiny.
Orginal rockstar gangster out of Halifax. I majored in management at Mount Saint Vincent University. I Currently work in the sales industry. Besides that my life consists of hitting the gym, reading, listening to country music and a once a week sushi habit. I also take off from time to time to travel places around the world.
I listened to something the other day which said that people don't necessarily want one million dollars... they just want the FEELING they think one million dollars will bring them. They want the lifestyle they think one million dollars will bring them, They want the expensive car, the nice house, the exotic vacations, etc.
