Who are you?

Instead of just writing out your name, stop now and make a list of alllllll the things you are.
Do it now, write down everything the good and the bad:

student...
professional...
optimistic..
boyfriend..
brother...
smoker...
fast reader...
bad tempered...
depressed...
hockey player...
pretty...
healthy...

I dunno, its different for everybody that's why you have to write it down!
ok... are you finished?
if not, go write down what you are right now. be as detailed as you can be. List ALL the things you can think of that make you who you are.

alright, cool.
This is who you are! you should be really happy, these are all the characteristics that make you unique.
Glorytimes.

Now of these characteristics what are some of the ones you would like to change?

Be honest with yourself... are you a smoker and would like to quit? are you fat and want to lose some weight? are you getting shitty grades and want to do better? do you have serious anger problems and want to be more chill?

I'm sure whatever it is about yourself you would like to change you have already tried in some way or another to change it in the past, right?
Maybe you quit smoking for 3 weeks?
Maybe you signed up at the gym for a couple months?

Whatever you did, if it's still an issue TODAY the change DIDN'T LAST.
and if that's the case, we have a serious problem.
who wants to make a change that doesn't last???? that's almost like a tease...

Forget about the past, these are the G L O R Y TIMES.
And today we are going to look at how to shatter those old habits and make a change that is going to LAST.

heeeeer we go.

First we have to understand CONGRUENCE
dictionary.com says: Agreement, harmony, conformity, or correspondence.

sounds good.

we have to understand congruence because:
We will always be congruent with what we think we are.

I first learned this concept a long time ago back when I was in a really depressed point of my life.. I remember I saw a councilor and told her my story...

I feel really shitty, I'm really depressed, I don't have any energy, I don't want to do anything, I don't care about my body and treat my body like shit, I smoke a lot, I do drugs and drink. The only thing that even makes me feel good is when I listen to Counting Crows.

Now if you don't know much about the counting crows, this is all you have to know; They are one of the most depressing bands EVER. The lead singer, Adam Duritz has major issues, and so naturally that is what he sings about, all his broken relationships, how he can't sleep at night, he's stays inside all day, he's so alone, etc. Watch this video, you'll see what I'm talking about.. the dude is not very happy you can just tell by looking at him.



I couldn't understand it I was feeling so depressed at the time so what was it about this music, about the counting crows that would make me so happy? why was I so addicted to it and listen to it all the time? for a while I thought i had some sort of disorder with music it made absolutely NO SENSE to me.

My councilor explained it to me and I have never forgotten the lesson.

"She said James you listen to the Counting Crows, and you identify with their music because it is sad and depressing which is very CONGRUENT with how you are feeling in your own life. So of course you would like it... Happy upbeat music isn't sad or depressing so it would be incongruent with how you are feeling and thinking."

That stuck with me.

These days I listen to music that is happy, upbeat, positive because that's how I'm feeling in my life. I don't listen to the counting crows because they bring me down.

This shows the power of congruence, and how it affects and attracts things in our life.

alriiiiiighty then,

The second thing we have to do in order to make a lasting change is realize the difference between a
Behavior Change vs. Identity Change

The difference is that a change in Behavior is short term. It isn't going to give us those LASTING CHANGES. It's kind of like a band-aid solution.

For example if you are addicted to smoking and you want to quit, you are still going to get those cravings, but to quit you just might modify your BEHAVIOR so for example you might not physically buy a pack of smokes, or go out on lunch break with all the smoking crew, or buy a patch or whatever this might last for a couple days or weeks or whatever but chances are you'll start back up again if all you change is the behavior.

Or if you want to lose weight you might go on a "diet" so that means of course behavior change so next time you are at a restaurant instead of ordering the New York Pepper Steak of desire, you'll order the elite garden salad. Again a change in behavior right?

As long as you have the discipline to maintain those behavior changes you will have some changes. That's awesome, but we want MASSIVE awesome changes of eternity. so a couple weeks or months isn't good enough.

To get these kinds of results we have to make an IDENTITY CHANGE.
WTF? what is this?
Forget about a band aid solution, go right to the bone baby.

An Identity change is when you change who you see yourself as, how you describe yourself, essentially this is how you change WHO YOU ARE.

What is this mean?
It means if you want to quit smoking no longer see yourself as a smoker.
If you want to be healthy start seeing yourself as a healthy person,
if you are an impulsive person no longer see yourself as impulsive.

Because as long as you hold onto that identity of who you think you are, YOU WILL BE IT.

Do you see now how this ties in with congruence?
Do you see how just changing a behavior would be like being depressed and playing some happy go lucky music... it might make you happy and get you excited while its on, but at the end of the day if that's not who you are, if that is not how you really BELIEVE you are with every fiber in your body you will go back to just being that sad, upset, helpless depressed person.

If you think and percieve yourself a certain way you will always be that way.

So the only way to really make a change, to change who you are and what you do is to go right down to you identiy and change who you are and how you think about yourself
it will change everything., and best of it it will LAST.

DISCLAIMER:
There are NO magic pills, making a lasting change is tough, you have to WANT to make a change and making a change requires hard work and discipline, it's not going to happen over night.

You have to start somewhere though and this article will provide you with a good foundation and the right direction:

To make this all happen you HAVE to take action.

So if you are serious about making a change in your life
Start changing your Identity RIGHT NOW
Go back to the list of things you wanted to change earlier and
Re-Write how you see yourself how you would describe yourself what you would believe about yourself assuming you have made every change you wanted and have been living it for a year.

EX: I am a very healthy person, I work out everyday, I watch what I put in my body
I'm a student I take my studies seriously, I put in the necessary time so I can get good grades

Review your list everyday, more than once if you can, Visualize it play videos in your mind of you doing these things, say it out loud,

Once you honestly BELIEVE you are that person who you WANT TO BE, it will all work out. everything will become congruent. You will become the person you want and vision.


believe it, and live it.

MEL