What are you Chasing?

I listened to something the other day which said that people don't necessarily want one million dollars... they just want the FEELING they think one million dollars will bring them. They want the lifestyle they think one million dollars will bring them, They want the expensive car, the nice house, the exotic vacations, etc.

I see it all the time with so many people it seems like what they have their eyes on or their big goal in life or when they think their life will be "SET" is when they finally climb that mountain and get that ever elusive huge amount of money....whatever that is.

I use to think and be like this myself, the goal was to "get a million dollars" and then i felt my life will be a success, i will be a success and well i guess then you are officially "rich" whatever that means and can do whatever you want, i dunno?!

I don't think it is a bad thing to have financial goals whether it be 100,000 or 10,000,000 or even 50 bucks but I don't think that money should be a complete focus, I don't think that having a certain amount of money should be the determinant of whether you are Successful or not.
ask yourself WHY?

ask yourself, If somebody was to give you $100,000 today what would be different? Chances are you would be the EXACT same person you are today, you would just have more money in your bank account and so you would therefore probably have the means to be able to go buy some material goods or do some things that cost more money than you had before if you wanted to.

But YOU, does having that extra money whether its 100,000 or 1,000,000 change YOU?
if you could only type 30WPM is having that money going to increase your typing speed? if your social skills were subpar before will having all sorts of money increase them?

I have learned and I strongly believe that money is the by- product of chasing the things that you actually want in life. If you are doing what you like, what you love, what you are good at than money will naturally fall into your life, every amount that you possibly need. If it is the other way around it will be incredibly difficult to enjoy the "here and now" until you reach that money goal you set in your head, whatever that is.

mel

Decisions of Destiny

Lots going on this week, so i'm a little late on this weeks post have some great content so here we go!:

Have you ever thought about your attitude when it comes to whether you FAIL or SUCCEED in something?
what is a failure what is a success?
Nobody is perfect so at one point or another you are going to make mistakes, or you are going to mess up, or whatever, does that mean you fail?
Its all about how you define failure.

If you adopt the attitude of always learning – if you approach situations/life this way whatever happens you CANNOT fail, because you will ALWAYS be successful in the sense that you are learning, that you are always growing and getting better.

DECISIONS – life is really all about the DECISIONS you make, and how you approach your decisions. Ie do you study for your final exam or go out and party? Do you buy a condo in a suburb which is less expensive or one downtown?, its YOUR choice. Everybody decides what they do and therefore where their lifes go...

Sooooooooooooo.
What is one of the most important elements to success?

HAVING A GOOD DECISION MAKING PROCESS. And putting yourself in a position where you can make the BEST decision at any given time.

How?

What to focus on:

NOT ideas (EMOTIONS)
but FACTS (logic)
and what YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER

ie. Do you focus on what somebody says and how good they makes it sound (ideas?) or the facts that is what is ACTUALLY the case, what has actually happened,
Something that will really help the decision making process is taking ALL the info available+ all the things we have control over and making the BEST decision you can based on that criteria. Then having faith in YOURSELF and the decision YOU made, not necessarily somebody’s elses.
Control:

A recipe for making poor decisions is putting your decisions or anything else in the hands of somebody else.

Why?

ITS NOT that they aren’t great people and they wont get things done. Sometimes you have no choice but if you break it down think of what you are doing by putting yourself in this position,
You become DEPENDANT on them like a kid + has parents. And then to move forward or make a decision you REQUIRE THAT PERSON. Just like a kid asks his parents if he can have the car for the weekend before he can decide what to do with their friends, you have to ask whoever you are dependant on to see if your plans will get the green light and its okay…
Basically: YOU LOSE CONTROL, you are usually no longer in a position where YOU can make the decision.

SOLUTION:
Control is everything. Because whoever has control has the DECISION MAKING POWER. As we learned from above decisions are a key component to success.

Anything you do with other people should be a SUPPLEMENT with which you have NO EXPECTATIONS, because you can’t control them, so why would you expect anything?!?
Minimize exposure to losing control = Have YOUR OWN plan and stick to it, let other things fall into that place not the opposite way. Ie. Don’t follow somebody elses plan and make your plan try and fit into that.


hope this make some sense, that is all for this week!

MEL

Break it down, Bite size style.

Have you ever started something and not finished it?

Have you ever turned down taking on a huge project because it seemed like "too much" or too daunting at the time?

why is that?

You've probably heard before that Rome wasn't built in a day?

What's that mean?
How you can you apply this to your own life?

Think about every highly successful person you know... Does it seems like they have an amazing ability to complete multiple projects and make it seem easy?

Maybe they managed to get straight A's in school, while playing on a sports team, while still having time to hang out with friends, etc. Or maybe they are a successful business owner who has real estate investments on the side, who also volunteers in their community in addition to maintaining a family at home.

What's their secret?! How do they do accomplish all this??!! while making it seem easy!!!
DIBS!
This is how they do it: eat lots and lots of Dibs.

Small chuck it. Make things easy for yourself. Set yourself up for SUCCESS not failure or disappointment.

If you wanted to be a lawyer and before you went to university I told you, that in order for you to become a lawyer it was going to be crazy hard you would have to take 4 grueling years of undergrad and have a 4.0 GPA, then you had to do your LSATs and get all these reference letters from professors and other people and then get accepted into law school, then you had to do it all over again, Study hardcore for another few years, and finally get an articling position, and once you completed that and graduated with your law degree maybe you'd find a position as a lawyer....

Who is going to sign up for that? really? and even if you did after the first year if you looked at it that way you would probably just see miles and miles of work ahead, get discouraged easier and then be more likely to quit.

Break it down, whatever you want to do or be into small manageable tasks which you can achieve and then reward yourself for CONSTANTLY. Make it easy for yourself.
Break things down as much as you can and and approach it that way.

What we are trying to do by small chunking is Convincing our minds that whatever task is in front of us we CAN achieve it. Once our mind believes that it will go ahead and help us out, if not and your mind interprets whatever you are doing as some insurmountable feat that's when you will get discouraged and get those feelings like you would rather quit then continue on.

make it EZ

MEL

EGO

I dont watch the simpsons but like this pic!

here's some thoughts on the Ego,,, have a good weekend!

The human EGO (see Freud) has a huge influence on people's behavior, what does that mean? most people you will encounter go through life always trying to PROTECT, and NURISH their ego because it makes them feel OKAY and like they are important in society. Understanding this makes understanding different social dynamics much easier.

EX:
Person A and Person B are friends who work together and both smoke. They have been trying to quit for a year.
Person A is finally successful and quits smoking, Person A is very excited and tells Person B (who is still smoking) the great news.
"wow this is amazing, i never thought I could do this, it feels amazing to finally have kicked this habit, i feel healthier, I feel alive, i have started to go to the gym, my life is great!!!! wooooooo!"

How does Person B feel?

In most circumstances, In this situation Person B will think like the following:
We were equal we both had the same problem, and now my friend overcame smoking and I didn't this means they are better than me, I feel my ego getting attacked, they are stronger than me. Just imagine how person B would feel when they are at work and he has to go out for a smoke break which he always enjoyed with person A and person A isn't there anymore...

person B UNCONSCIOUSLY to protect his ego will usually deal with the above in one of two ways:

1) do whatever it takes to get on the same level as person A, meaning he will quit smoking himself, he will start going to the gym, he will do whatever.

2) (this is more common) Person B will try and get person A to come back down to person B's level so they can again be on the same level and then person B will no longer feel bad for continuing to smoke and most importantly his EGO will not be suffering. This will be attempted again mostly unconsciously, by person B saying things like, "oh come on, its just one smoke", "come on person A why dont you come out just like old times its not going to kill you"!!

fast forward a few weeks (assuming person B has not Quit smoking himself)
Person A will have either 1. continued to not smoke or 2. be persuaded to come back down to the level they were originally at and likely started smoking again.

"You will learn one thing from my class, remember this only: PEOPLE LIVE IN GROUPS"
-first day of class said by Dr. Michael Overington (former soiology professor at SMU)

If person A continues NOT to smoke, and Person B continues to smoke in most cases, person A will find a new social group with similar values and start spending more time with them, and person B will keep hanging out with current social group. Because both people are around others like themselves EGOS will feel okay.

This is why sometimes friends "drift" apart.... this is why some people quit smoking, or quit drinking only to start back up again, And this is why sometimes people will try and bring you down.
Its human nature. don't fight it, understand it, then expect it. and then RISE above it.

MEL

Not for me, For you...

Hey guys,

Quick post today,

How many times have you read something or listened to something and a week later totally forgot everything!?!?

why does this happen? how can you prevent it? how can you learn better? how can you retain what you have learned?

The quick answer and something to try:

By making learning an ACTIVE process, by getting INVOLVED. What that means is if you are listening to somebody speak, ask questions, take notes, if you are reading something highlight the important points, or make your own notes in the columns.

Just imagine if you didn't know how to play basketball how would you learn?
What do you think would get you better results, sitting in a classroom all day reading books studying how to dribble, how to do a layup, how to pass the ball? Or getting on the court, listening to a coach and then practicing and actually DOING the drills?

Its the same with everything you want to learn, become involved.

So I encourage you if you read this blog not just to read it but to leave comments and do the same anywhere else you read something that you want to learn, It will FORCE YOU to think about what you are reading, to become active in the learning and will increase your retention.

MEL

All Inclusive land of happiness

Work hard, Play hard, Travel hard.
Just back from Cuba where I did my FIRST EVER all inclusive trip.... yay!! I spent a week with my girlfriend at a 4.5 star fairy tale deluxe resort in Varadero...
it was just that. we had the best time ever!

I know these trips have been around for a while now and are very popular so most of you have probably been on at least one. Aren't they awesome? you are surrounded by palm trees and miles of white sand which turns into to most beautiful blue-green ocean. The sun seems to never stop shining. There is just piles of food to choose from, whatever you want, whenever you want ham, steak, chicken, fish, you name it bbq's everyday, For dessert? its like being a kid in the candy store 5 flavors of ice cream, copious amounts of cakes and fresh fruit. You just can't go wrong! Its non stop pure paradise. That is until you step outside of this nice little bubble and OFF THE RESORT....

This is why I have not really been a huge fan of these trips. They are too perfect, they are too generic, they are not a real representation of the country you are in. They are set up to cater to those who like to and have the luxury to "vacation". Vacationing I'm sure means something different to everybody, but to me the term means to TEMPORARILY escape your day to day grind for a week or two by going to some fantasy land where there are no rules and everything is taken care of for you. So you can do as you please, That means staying up late, sleeping in, being lazy and spoiled non stop with food, drinks, and dessert. these sorts
of things.

Its not for me. It doesn't give me much value or align with my goals. And that is why in the past I didn't really see a reason to spend $1500 to do an all inclusive when I could just stay at home, turn off my phone, have my bath tub running hot water the whole day while playing Caribbean music on my ipod and hang out in there for a week. In the nights I could just order take out... and if you like to drink alcohol while on vacation just take a $100 down to the liquor store and I'm sure you could buy enough beer or rum to last for a whole week. Need a tan? no problem go to your nearest tanning salon every day for a week and you'll do okay. When it is all said and done you might not have the pictures you would from an actual vacation but in terms of the personal growth you will experience it will be close enough.

My point is when I take time off I like to TRAVEL. In my opinion there is a distinct difference so don't misunderstand. Vacations are a ton of fun, we are all the same we work hard so sometimes we just need to step away for a minute and have some fun, so some people take a day off and play the arcade some people take a week off and go to Acapulco, whatever.

What I am talking about in this blog though is something different. Traveling to me is work its not a vacation. It's when you step out of your country and off the resorts leaving your comfort zone behind that you unlock a whole new world and reality. If you have done it you know what I'm taking about!

I haven't really talked much about my opinions, goals and the second to none personal growth benefits of traveling on this blog so I'm going to use this recent trip as a brief example to share and give examples of what I am talking about, so you can see some of what I got to see and hopefully look at things a little different.

I want to grow. ALWAYS. That is my number one goal. Everything on this blog is aimed at sharing ways to do this. To me there is no replacement to having the opportunity to go somewhere and see things you couldn't see back home. To travel somewhere and experience and feel new things you couldn't back home, To seeing how people in other places and countries live, their traditions, their culture. This to me is one of the best ways to expand reality and perceptions. The whole experience is even greater when you go to a second or third world country.

I only had a week to travel Cuba so I just got to scratch the surface but during that time we got to hit up 5 of the 14 provinces within the country so you'll get a pretty good representation!

The Resort Life:

You have already seen some of the pictures from above, basically Cuba is like right out of a travel brochure: the beaches, the ocean, the palm trees are actually that nice!

The food on the Resort we stayed at, like you would expect is just like back home, they had tons, You can see from this picture just an endless buffet with everything you could possibly want, steak, fish, chicken, pasta, salad, etc. Its sad that when you step off the resort all that food disappears, People don't eat like this in Cuba. Most people are limited to rice and beans. Remember it may seem like they have all this food on the resort but its not real - that is not Cuba they don't have a Sobey's or Superstore in every neighborhood. the closest thing they have is somebody on the side of the road selling fresh mangos. So if you get hungry and need some food fast forget about all your favorite fast food chains, there is no such thing as a Mr. Sub or Tim Horton's, not even close. you can't just go order food like you can back at your all inclusive. Picture that. When you see it and experience it you really stop to think about the life we have in Canada and other first world countries.

The Entertainment was really cool. Much different than we would be use to. Remember They Don't have the NHL or Headline rock concerts. They have their own form of entertainment one of the most popular is the world famous Tropicana Show. This is a show the Cubans take very seriously, you can tell as soon as you walk into the outdoor theater they have set up. All the ushers and waitresses are wearing formal wear, the tables you sit at are white table cloths, You must wear pants and nice shoes, etc. The talent was just unbelievable check out the next picture.

Take a look at what is going on here: This guy is standing on a piece of wood which below that is some kind of cylinder object and below that is a round table. Now you throw in that he is holding up a girl who is backwards on his back??..... I have absolutely no idea how this guy did this, there was no safety straps the whole act and nobody helped him, the whole audience was pretty much in awe and holding their breath. I knew there were no limits before but after seeing this there are ABSOLUTELY NO LIMITS to what can be done and achieved. NEVER say you can't so something, This was reinforced again the next day when we went to see a dolphin show
Say HI to my cute new friends!, while in Cuba we saw a dolphin show. Dolphins are officially the smartest animals I have ever seen what they were trained to do on command was just unbelievable, I was thinking the whole time man, they are no smarter than me if they can learn these skills I can certainly learn anything in the world i put my mind to.

So this was all pretty cool but here is where the real fun started. When you think of Cuba what do you think of hot tropical temperatures nice beaches and world class cigars, right? Well It has all of this but there were just soooooooo many other cool and interesting things to discover.

La Habana as they call it in Cuba is the capital. We took a day to explore it and what an unbelievable city it is just FULL of history. Walking the streets you can just feel it. Cuba is actually in the process of restoring it. The above picture is of El Capitolio a colossal building which was built for the Senate and House of representatives. I knew that Havana was an impressive city but the pictures just don't do it justice. I wasn't use to walking down these streets. The downtown in any city of North America is dominated by businesses. People wearing suits walking really fast while talking on their blackberry's trying to buy some shares in the next big company on the NYSE before the final bell. There is Advertising everywhere, there are subways and busses and traffic jams, there are bright lights and expensive cars with horns honking. There was none of that in the streets of Havana. absolutely none. There is a different mentality there are different motives, It was quite refreshing actually it felt as if I was warping back in time to a land before all of those things existed. But I wasn't this is Havana this is how people there live, they don't have the things we have its not in their reality, they don't have the same opportunites. It doesn't matter if you are wearing a Gucci shirt or have a channel purse, They don't even know what those things are!?! What they do know and believe in though is Che Guevara. He had a huge influence in Cuba and obviously impacted many lives because being in Cuba you can see how dedicated and passionate they are to him. He is EVERYWHERE. on T-shirts, postcards, painted on the side of buildings, on flags, everywhere. I have never in my life seen such a universal following. Experiencing this was totally new to me. I thought back to our Canadian Leader - Stephen Harper... I'm sure people know how he is and he has some strong followers but it's on way different level. When you see and feel how strongly these people believe in Che Guevara you can get a sense as to why there are world issues everywhere why people will fight and battle over what they believe in. You can see that governments are different everywhere you go, there is no one universal way to run a country. You hit a Cow in Cuba and you are going to jail no questions asked. The things we take for granted can not be in other parts of the world.

The Countryside:

Remember Cuba has 14 provinces it's no joke. I never knew Cuba had such a vast countryside. We took a full day to travel to the province of Pinar del Rio by bus and explore the mountain ranges and rain forest like setting as well as check out the farms where they produce the tobacco for their cigars. I couldn't believe what we were ble to see and experience. This province was about a 5 hour drive from Varadero and a totally different place altogether.

Here I am in the Vinales Valley you can see it was just a pure lush green tropical like areas. I don't know if it was an actual rain forest but it sure felt like one. You can't get this back home! It is just amazing to me because growing up I never really had an appreciation for the outdoors. Fun and excitement to me was big sporting events, loud concerts, tasty food, amusement parks, drinking... Since then Iseeing new things and exploring the world have led to Massive growth and I have developed a whole new perspective and appreciation for what I like to do and what I see as exciting.


As you can see Exploring some random cave while in Pinar del Rio was also quite adventurous. It's great though one of the best charasterices I find that traveling has developed is an insatiable curiosity. This quality itself has helped me do and try things I otherwise wouldn't have done. I find the more you explore and see the more you want to keep exploring. 5 years ago I would have been terrified to go off a resort.. what if i hit a cow? ;)
These days its the reason I went to Cuba so I could go off the resort and explore!

Last stop of the Day below is a trip to a a local farm in Pinar del Rio where they grow tobacco leaves. This was really cool. There is so much that goes into making cigars you and I would never know about. Here is where it all begins though! This is Benito's farm and he has just brought in his harvest which as you can see is now in the drying phase. He said the The leaves will be done drying around July and then the Government will come to his home shortly there after and take all the tobacco which they will then use produce cigars. Very interesting stuff.

As you can see there is just so much out there. Go explore it. Take chances and see the world when you can so you can better understand it.

Ironically I am back home in Halifax now and being home in Canada after the places I have been this country feels like a 5-star resort with all the amenities!
We have SO much to be great full for and opportunities that most people will never get
remember that if you ever feel like complaining.

MEL

jump right into the things you fear... ALWAYS

what a lovely picture huh?
how does it make you feel? do you like needles?
I hate needles... well I use to.

I remember always going to the doctor's office and coming so close to fainting after every time I got a shot, it was ridiculous.
I didn't like the look of needles, I didn't like waiting for them, I didn't like anything about the whole process.

What bothered me the most though is I would see some people go in get a shot and come out like it was no big deal.
I wanted to be like that.

Recently I have had to get 3 shots (twinrex) over the past month, so I thought this is a perfect time to make a change.


I learned this much about fear:
If you keep fearing something and trying to avoid it
NOTHING WILL CHANGE
you will just keep conditioning yourself to avoid the thing or the situation and your body will respond accordingly by sending out all sorts of nervous and anxiety like signals.

I Learned with fear that it is probably one of the biggest things that holds us back. And most of it is caused by ourselves. Its your mental approach to the situation.
If you walk into the doctors office thinking or saying to yourself,
I hate needles, im probably going to get really weak after getting this shot, guess what?
that's what's going to happen!

soooooo.
Instead of doing what I have been doing for the past 24 years of of my life I thought why not take a different approach and see what happens?
I have nothing to lose?!

So this is the approach I have taken with the doctors office over the past month, and this approach can be applied to ANYTHING you fear.

I switched what I was telling myself:
instead of saying, "uhhh, I hate needles, I can't wait for this to be over, why do I even need to get this.. etc."

I took the complete opposite approach and then completely exaggerated it.

"I can't wait to get to the doctors office, I love this stuff, this is going to be so much fun, this is going to protect me from a bunch of diseases and make me stronger, make my immune system better, allow me to have a safe trip south, this is unreal freaking real!"

It was quite funny actually.. I started telling myself this about an hour before I went to the doctors and then kept it up for about an hour after I got my needle. I even called a few friends during that time and told them what I was doing that morning and how excited I was to be going to the doctors office and getting a shot!!

When my time came to go into the little doctors room I didn't slow down I jumped right into it, I pulled up my shirt and was like hit me up in this arm, let's get right to it!

I did this because I didn't want there to be ANY delay... why?
because I knew if I gave my mind time to think about what was going on those old feelings would probably creep back in and I would start to fear what was about to happen.

so whatever, jump right in!
I got the shot and then disciplined my mind to NOT THINK ABOUT IT. I said thanks and was on my way.
I kept telling myself how amazing it was, and how great I felt after the shot.

why?
because If i didn't those same feelings I had before would no doubt pop back in my mind. My mind would be trying to convince me that hey james, you just got a needle you are suppose to be feeling weak right now, and get really tired, like you usually do...?
I Didn't let that happen,
and before I knew it I was doing something else that day and forgot all about what happened.

I practiced this two other times over the last month and now its great, It doesn't bother me at all to get needles. talk about it, see it. whatever.
strangely enough, I even get a little excited :)

what is something you FEAR in your life?
something that might be holding you back or preventing you from doing something you really want?
we ALL have things we fear don't we?
take some time and think about your approach. Is it the actual thing or situation you fear or just what you are building it up to in your own mind?

and remember:
summer is almost here!

MEL